Transformers 2: Electric Boogaloo

Oh Michael Bay, what are we going to do with you? Your movies used to be enjoyable. They had just enough plot to allow the audience to overlook the destruction of countless national treasures, characters one would cheer on (even when it was Nicholas Cage), and best of all, they were just long enough to be a nice two hour time waster. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. By sheer coincidence, they have fallen with the making of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. The Universe must be laughing about that one.

Check Your Shoes, Seriously

Oh, Mother Nature.  If anyone ever took the time to look at her closely, they would probably never come out of their house.  I mean, everyone knows about the obvious killers: tornados, floods, Paulie Shore movies.  But what about the tiny creatures that humanity has forgotten about?  You know, the little killers that can fit inside your shoe.  Sure, scorpions and Black Widow spiders are all well and good, but what about the really scary ones; the critters that can kill you and majority of your Facebook social circle?  Here’s the top five, so you know what to look for.

Headlines

Okay you ADD delinquents, I’ve been catching flak from some people that 1000 words is too long for a blog. Sorry it’s not a podcast. Regardless, in order to keep your ever dwindling attention, I’ve decided to reformat for today to something that will last about as long as the average American is willing to read. That’s right, it’s all about the headlines. Specifically, some of the headlines from the Metro section of the Boston Globe. As the Conservative element in Massachusetts calls it: good clean communist-loving propaganda fun.

New PJs, Same Nightmare

I recently saw a trailer for a movie set to release in 2010. It’s a brand new idea, never been done before. See, there’s this serial killer whose all burned and scarred, and he wears this creepy glove with blades on the fingers, and instead of killing you in reality, he kills you in your dreams. Pretty freaky right? Wait, what? You say they already made that movie? Oh, well maybe it’s just close. This one is called A Nightmare on Elm Street. Wow, that one was called A Nightmare on Elm Street too, huh? Well, that certainly is terrifying.

Derogatory Disney

As you all know, I went to Zombieland the other day, and while I was at the theater there was a massive cardboard stand-up of the soon-to-be-released Disney “classic” The Princess and the Frog. Oh man, have I got things to say about this. Just so you all know in which direction I’m headed, though, I’ll relay my response after I saw Disney’s preview for the first time. I turned to my friend and said: “Is the point of this preview to offend me?”

Zombieland: Nut Up or Shut Up

It’s a typical love story: boy meets girl, girl ditches boy, boy ultimately faces his fears and saves girl from hoards of mindless, flesh-eating zombies. This is, at it’s heart, the premise of Ruben Fleischer’s latest film, Zombieland. Though Fleischer’s first major film, Zombieland is a thoroughly enjoyable 81 minutes of brain-eating fun.

Let It Snow

“You know what they say: if you don’t like the weather in Massachusetts, wait five minutes.” A freakishly early snowfall on Sunday left many New Englanders plugging their ears so as to not be forced to listen to Massachusettsians everywhere utter this Massholian phrase in their typical Massholian tone. Meanwhile, meteorologists everywhere joined together to ask Nature just what the hell was going on. I was just happy I didn’t have to shovel.

The Noble Nobel

It’s been over a week since President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize and yet I’m still hearing about how he didn’t deserve it. Why is that? Is our country so boring that we need to keep rehashing the “big news” from a week and a half ago? I get it: he didn’t deserve it, the award was premature, his win is a rally call to do better.  But are we seriously putting that much energy into focusing on an award given out by a committee that has shown itself to not exactly have perfect judgment in the past?

The Five Scariest Batman Villains You’ve Never Heard Of

It’s been a crazy week in News and Politics and I’ve got to take a break. Everyone deserves one, right? So I’ve decided to go with something a bit more lighthearted for my second weekend entry. Something that is, from what I’ve gathered by surfing the internet, in true “blogosphere” fashion: a top ten list. Of course, mine’s not ten items, it’s only five. I know; I’m a crazy non-traditionalist. What are you going to do?

My personal favorite when it comes to superheroes is a man who goes by many names: the World’s Greatest Detective, the Caped Crusader, the Dark Knight. That’s right, I’m talking about Batman. If you spent your childhood dreaming of being a superhero, as I did, you either wanted to be Superman or Batman. Maybe Green Lantern, but honestly a guy who runs around in green tights is kind of pathetic. Since I realized I could never be a red-caped alien who gained super powers under the Earth’s yellow sun, I opted to idolize Batman. He’s known the world over and since his inception in May of 1939, he’s faced many insane villains. From Joker and Two-Face to the Riddler and the Penguin, Bruce Wayne’s alter-ego has seen it all. These villains are considered by most to be the creme de la creme of the criminally crazy; but what about the lesser known killers who are just as terrifying? Let’s take a look, shall we?

Virtual Subtelty

As I sat playing Ninja Gaiden 2 on my XBox the other day, garnering more points the longer I was able to keep my enemy alive while still removing each of his appendages in turn, I realized just how far the quality of video games has fallen. Oh, sure, the graphics are exquisite and the physics generators are great; but where is the subtlety of it all? Separate from that question, where are all the truly violent virtual adventures, like the ones we had growing up? Point of fact, they don’t exist because video game developers have gotten lazy.