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Transformers 2: Electric Boogaloo

December 3, 2009

Oh Michael Bay, what are we going to do with you? Your movies used to be enjoyable. They had just enough plot to allow the audience to overlook the destruction of countless national treasures, characters one would cheer on (even when it was Nicholas Cage), and best of all, they were just long enough to be a nice two hour time waster. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. By sheer coincidence, they have fallen with the making of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. The Universe must be laughing about that one. Read more…

Check Your Shoes, Seriously

December 1, 2009

Oh, Mother Nature.  If anyone ever took the time to look at her closely, they would probably never come out of their house.  I mean, everyone knows about the obvious killers: tornados, floods, Paulie Shore movies.  But what about the tiny creatures that humanity has forgotten about?  You know, the little killers that can fit inside your shoe.  Sure, scorpions and Black Widow spiders are all well and good, but what about the really scary ones; the critters that can kill you and majority of your Facebook social circle?  Here’s the top five, so you know what to look for.

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Headlines

October 30, 2009

Okay you ADD delinquents, I’ve been catching flak from some people that 1000 words is too long for a blog. Sorry it’s not a podcast. Regardless, in order to keep your ever dwindling attention, I’ve decided to reformat for today to something that will last about as long as the average American is willing to read. That’s right, it’s all about the headlines. Specifically, some of the headlines from the Metro section of the Boston Globe. As the Conservative element in Massachusetts calls it: good clean communist-loving propaganda fun. Read more…

New PJs, Same Nightmare

October 23, 2009

I recently saw a trailer for a movie set to release in 2010. It’s a brand new idea, never been done before. See, there’s this serial killer whose all burned and scarred, and he wears this creepy glove with blades on the fingers, and instead of killing you in reality, he kills you in your dreams. Pretty freaky right? Wait, what? You say they already made that movie? Oh, well maybe it’s just close. This one is called A Nightmare on Elm Street. Wow, that one was called A Nightmare on Elm Street too, huh? Well, that certainly is terrifying. Read more…

Derogatory Disney

October 22, 2009

As you all know, I went to Zombieland the other day, and while I was at the theater there was a massive cardboard stand-up of the soon-to-be-released Disney “classic” The Princess and the Frog. Oh man, have I got things to say about this. Just so you all know in which direction I’m headed, though, I’ll relay my response after I saw Disney’s preview for the first time. I turned to my friend and said: “Is the point of this preview to offend me?” Read more…

Zombieland: Nut Up or Shut Up

October 21, 2009

It’s a typical love story: boy meets girl, girl ditches boy, boy ultimately faces his fears and saves girl from hoards of mindless, flesh-eating zombies. This is, at it’s heart, the premise of Ruben Fleischer’s latest film, Zombieland. Though Fleischer’s first major film, Zombieland is a thoroughly enjoyable 81 minutes of brain-eating fun. Read more…

Let It Snow

October 20, 2009

“You know what they say: if you don’t like the weather in Massachusetts, wait five minutes.” A freakishly early snowfall on Sunday left many New Englanders plugging their ears so as to not be forced to listen to Massachusettsians everywhere utter this Massholian phrase in their typical Massholian tone. Meanwhile, meteorologists everywhere joined together to ask Nature just what the hell was going on. I was just happy I didn’t have to shovel. Read more…